Part II: My “Junk Drawer”

This story begins a few weeks into my pregnancy.  If you haven’t read Part I, catch-up here before continuing below…

It was a dark and rainy Tuesday morning.  And just like most mornings that month, Matthew was traveling with his job hundreds of miles away.  There’s a pretty good chance that he was enjoying his early-morning coffee from Starbucks, I was lying in bed going through ALL the reasons why it would be perfectly fine to let the kids stay out of school and just watch Disney movies all day while I hibernated in bed beside them.

But just like every morning, I somehow managed to pull myself out of bed, wake-up the kids and get everyone downstairs in record-breaking time.  In the middle of dishing-out the kids their cereal, milk, water and vitamins, my main focus was on getting both of their lunches packed within the next 4 minutes where I wouldn’t be late for kindergarten and preschool carpool.  But somewhere between spreading the peanut butter and squirting out the jelly, I found myself racing towards the nearest trash can or toilet.  After realizing I wouldn’t make it to either in time, I flung the backdoor open and raced barefooted outside.

As soon as the rain hit my skin, I realized my knees were already buried into the wet grass below me.  So there I was… throwing-up uncontrollably… in the rain… feeling completely alone.  I just sat in the rain and cried.

When I finally managed to pull myself together and go back inside, I stopped in my tracks when I heard the song that was playing throughout my kitchen through a random Pandora station: “Break Every Chain.”  The lyrics that were coming through seemed as if they were being sung especially for me:
“There is power in the name of Jesus… To Break Every Chain.”

I don’t know WHEN or HOW, but, in that moment, I knew everything would someday be okay.

I’d love to say the darkness lifted that day, but it didn’t.
Before I got better, I tried a prescription.  Nothing.
I doubled-up on the prescription.  Still nothing. 
Then, after weeks and weeks of not seeing a change, I decided to stop taking the medicine.
Just a few days later (to my COMPLETE surprise), the darkness started to lift and I finally saw a light at the end of the tunnel.

After my first post about Prenatal Depression, I was so touched when many friends, clients and blog-readers shared their OWN story about a dark time in their own lives.  My main goal was to let others know they are NOT alone.

My second goal is to share how YOU can HELP others who may be going through the same helpless feelings.  I received virtual flowers, sweet cards that made me smile (addressed to Christy “SuperMom” Martin) and lots of prayers.  When you’re NOT going through it, it’s easy to dodge the subject, assuming the person doesn’t want to talk about it.  However, I discovered it’s the opposite.  So, don’t be afraid to ask others how they are REALLY doing.  Send a sweet email.  Pray for them.  I strongly feel like all of these things helped me so much.

Here’s a few of my favorite quotes that helped me through this time.

“I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

…Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.”

-Dr. Seuss

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find REST for your SOULS.”
Matthew 11:28-29

 (Can’t blog without a photo, right?!?  This one was taken on New Years Day in St. Louis.  I didn’t take a lot of personal pictures for the first half of this year, but I’m glad I had my camera out to snap this one of them cuddled-up together on the bed.)