Sheet Music (My thoughts on the book)

BOOK: Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
AUTHOR: Dr. Kevin Leman


This book was written by a Christian, so he un-apologetically explains why issues like pornography is not only harmful to a marriage, but is also a sin.
But what I LOVED about this book is that it’s MORE than what you ‘shouldn’t do’ in marriage. It’s an HONEST (“Some of what you’ll read in the book may be too blunt or straightforward for your personal taste.”) approach to what we SHOULD be embracing within a healthy and loving marriage.

Dr. Leman is very honest with:
* how many areas of a man’s life can be negatively affected when he feels unsatisfied sexually.
* how a woman needs to feel loved, valued and adored (emotional intimacy) in order for her to sincerely be interested in physical intimacy.
* God’s perfect design for marriage.
* lots of practical, creative tips and ideas challenges.


I believe anyone who is already in a healthy marriage (based on love, respect and service towards one another) could gain a lot of new insight as to how their partner may view intimacy.

It also has the potential to guide married couples towards practices that encourage deep conversations, honesty, transparency and an open mind to discover a new level of intimacy and understanding.

Faith-based? Yes
Easy read? Yes
Age group? Anyone engaged or married

J/K! 🙂
But it WAS an interesting book to tackle in the kid’s carpool line!


  • “I have been speaking and writing for years about how the over-committed pace of American families is killing us socially, relationally, and psychologically. We are simply too busy. Many families I work with could easily cut out 50 percent of their activities and still be tired. That’s not an exaggeration. Most families who see me are often shocked at the way I can take a meat cleaver to their schedule.
    When we live at the pace of a NASCAR race, sex is one of the first things that goes. Once again, if you want to improve your sex life as a couple, you need to examine your relationship outside the bedroom. What are you doing that is keeping you from sexual intimacy?”
  • “If you don’t treat sex {as one of the most important parts of your life}- as a matter of supreme importance- you’re shortchanging yourself, your spouse, and your kids.”
  • “If you truly want to make your family live and your sexual life more meaningful, you’re going to have to give up a few things. No more running around five out of five weekday evenings.”
  • “One woman wrote on a survey, “I wish my husband and I had invested more time and money in our love relationship. The divorce was much more expensive- and must more traumatic for the children than occasional weekends away would have been!” …as a married couple, you simply must get away.”
  • “I’ve become convinced that this wonderful gift of sex makes everything nicer. A couple’s sex life is usually a microcosm of the marriage.”
  • “What she doesn’t realize is that sex represents many different things to a man. A number of them are emotional and spiritual, having nothing to do with the physical.”
  • “When a relationship goes bad, or simply cools off, it’s only a matter of time until the sexual fervor follows suit. When a husband gets too involved in work, or when a wife starts ignoring her marriage because she is enamored with her children, eventually sexual interest will wane. The relationship is dying, and sex is often a barometer of that death.”
  • “For most men, the greatest enemy of sex is a lack of imagination on the part of their wives. If a man doesn’t feel pursued or wanted or if his wife is unable or unwilling to communicate how much she enjoys being with him and how much she wants his body, hubby loses interest. Your husband wants to be needed and wanted and prized.”
  • “One of the most loving and holy things you can do in marriage is to provide sexually fulfilling pursuit of your husband or wife.”
  • “You’ve got to stop viewing sex through your perception alone and start viewing it through your spouse’s eyes.”
  • “You can be the best cook, a great mother, and a fantastic conversationalist, but if you put no thought or effort into your lovemaking, your husband will probably feel disappointed. Conversely, if you give your husband a thrilling sex life, you might be surprised at how little he cares about other things that go wanting.”
  • “…sex for a woman involves words and emotions, and other things besides physical groping.”
  • “For {women}, problems erase sex; sex doesn’t erase problems. If a wife is upset at her husband, she may shut down sexually. If she’s worried that there won’t be enough money to pay the mortgage in three days, she may lose all sexual desire. If you’re having difficulty {__ __}, look at the entire relationship, and then look at your whole life. Are other issues keeping you distracted?”
  • “Most men need to “dial it back” a little bit. By that I mean stop expecting your wife to meet your sexual needs perfectly. Settle for improvement. The perfect sex life you have in your mind probably doesn’t exist; it’s far more helpful to work toward something that’s better than to fight over an ideal two people will probably never achieve.”
  • “Keep reminding yourself of this: “God made my husband that way.” God thinks it’s important that your husband be chemically drawn to you and motivated to get physically close to you on a regular and consistent basis.” “
  • “…our Creator must have felt you could handle this power since he designed men and women this way. If God were to measure your kindness and generosity solely by how well you treat your husband in this area, what do you think he would say?”
  • “Footnote to every parent: What are you communicating to your sons and daughters about sex? I hope it’s not that sex is bad, because, quite frankly, the day will come when your kids discover otherwise.” You’ll have put yourself in a very bad place because from that day on, your kids will think, Mom and Dad don’t have a clue!
Dinner questions! (When I read this a few months ago,
I added my personal LEAST favorite: “conspiracy theories”!)

INFORMATION: Dr. Kevin Leman’s website

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